Sugar relationships are appealing because of the mix of money and emotional intimacy

While my parents have taught me to be financially literate, it was not until I received my first paycheck when I really realized how difficult it is to make money. College students with minimum-wage jobs, like myself, feel the financial pressure. The money we make throughout each semester cannot compare to the prices of textbooks and school supplies, rent, utility bills, groceries, and transportation home during breaks, not to mention tuition. Some of us may turn to innovate routes to relieve parts of this monetary burden—by engaging in a sugar baby and sugar daddy or mama relationship (which, from here on out, will be referred to as SB, SD, and SM). Evolutionary psychologists may explain these relationships as merely putting monetary value on normal mating preferences that have been established by our ancestors. However, SB and SD/SM relationships go beyond these preferences due to the complex intertwined relationship between the economy and romantic behavior.

While my parents have taught me to be financially literate, it was not until I received my first paycheck that I realized how difficult it is to make money. College students with minimum-wage jobs, like myself, feel the financial pressure. The money we make throughout each semester cannot compare to the prices of textbooks and school supplies, rent, utility bills, groceries, and transportation home during breaks, not to mention tuition. Some of us may turn to innovate routes to relieve parts of this monetary burden—by engaging in a sugar baby and sugar daddy relationship (which, from here on out, will be referred to as SB and SD). In these relationships, the SD gives the SB monetary incentives to maintain a physical and emotional relationship with him. Evolutionary psychologists may explain these relationships as merely putting monetary value on normal mating preferences, such as youthful women and wealthy men, that have been established by our ancestors. However, SB and SD relationships go beyond these preferences due to the complex intertwined relationship between the economy and romantic behavior.

The origin of the concept

The term “Sugar daddy” originated in 1908, when a wealthy owner of a sugar empire married a woman who was 24-years his junior and called him by this term. By the time it became more regularly used in the 1920s, it was a “term for a man who offers money or gifts to a younger woman for companionship or intimacy.”

A recent study defines the current day’s SB and SD relationship with the following descriptions: a younger SB, typically a college-aged female, is compensated by the older SD for spending time with him. Payment ranges from fancy dinners to gift cards and financial assistance. In return, the SB gives the SD companionship, physical intimacy, and/or more, depending on what the SD desires. People involved in sugar relationships clearly differentiate it from romantic love and more explicit forms of sex work, such as prostitution, in order to reduce any social stigma. In fact, these sugar relationships directly challenge the ‘hostile worlds’ argument that intimacy and economic interests cannot coexist; the SB and SD maintain an emotional connection despite the regular monetary exchange that occurs.

How would evolutionary psychologists explain sugar relationships?

Kanazawa’s and Miller’s book on evolutionary psychology explains that many common mating preferences we have in the modern era stem from the environmental conditions and generational survival methods of our ancestors. The SB’s and SD’s mutual arrangement can be understood by these evolutionary psychologists’ arguments. For instance, they and like-minded evolutionary psychologists would state that the reason older men prefer younger women is because our male ancestors wanted to make sure that their potential mate was highly fertile, as high fertility increase the chances of pregnancy. Since age was hard to determine before the invention of the calendar, men would assess a woman’s youth by their body’s skin tone and overall appearance. Thus, SDs are seeking out SBs that are much younger than themselves, because they are unconsciously looking for the best person with whom to reproduce.

Evolutionary psychologists also explain the SB’s involvement in this arrangement. Kanazawa and Miller state that women prefer men who have the capability of financially supporting the couple and their future offspring. Because older men tend to be more financially stable and make more money, women tend to be drawn to older, rather than younger, men. Women unconsciously measure men’s financial capability by desiring alarge and expensive wedding ring, which has no functional value. While a large ring may be pretty to look at, it has no useful function besides its social significance that the woman is married to a wealthy man. This supports the argument that SBs desire a relationship with a wealthy SD who is able to provide them with financial support and expensive gifts.

But wait, there’s more!

While evolutionary psychologists may be correct, their explanations for sugar relationships are lacking. Money is indeed the factor that maintains the functional relationship between a SB and a SD, which is the reason why SDs tend to be older than SBs (older people are more likely to have disposable income due to their career advancements and savings). One SB featured in an aforementioned study even advised that SBs enter relationships with SDs that are willing to provide the most financial benefits. Likewise, a study done in South Africa found that SBs attending college would discontinue their relationship with their SD if he could no longer provide financial or social support. However, once the economic agreement has been made, the sugar relationship grows beyond the financial aspect.

The emotional intimacy that is established between the SB and SD is argued to be the factor that distinguishes a sugar relationship from a purely sex-related exchange. One anonymous SB said that she feels like “a big huge whore” whenever she engages with an SD who wants a relationship that is solely based on sexual intimacy. Another SB said, “I have to be attracted to my [sugar daddy], and mentally drawn in as well…I umm, find it a bit too much like prostitution. Being with someone purely for the cash [sic].” Likewise, SDs were reported in feeling the same way about arrangements that do not include an emotional aspect. These responses indicate that the emotional connection plays as significant of a role as the SB’s youth and the SD’s financial capabilities, because these are natural, genuine relationships.

With minimum wage not increasing at the same pace that the cost of living and education does every year, it is no wonder that college students find different ways of paying for necessities. At the same time, however, not all SBs are people in college. SBs come from all walks of life, from varying financial situations.